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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24222184">Super Mario DS9</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xenobotanist/pseuds/Xenobotanist'>Xenobotanist</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Julian Bashir's Holoprograms [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Super Mario Bros. (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bowser gets a makeover, Costumes, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Holodecks/Holosuites, Video Game</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:42:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,585</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24222184</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xenobotanist/pseuds/Xenobotanist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Julian and Miles play Super Mario Bros in the holosuite. They have a surprise visitor, who probably shouldn't have been a surprise.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Julian Bashir &amp; Elim Garak, Julian Bashir &amp; Miles O'Brien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Julian Bashir's Holoprograms [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1840942</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Super Mario DS9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I needed fluff, and now I'm sharing it with you.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://line250i.tumblr.com/post/621757198577680384/i-made-a-thing-inspired-by-this-story-on-ao3">Bashir, O'Brien, and Dax as Luigi, Mario, and Peach</a>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Julian, I feel like a right eejit. This is <em>not</em> what plumbers wore, I’m sure of it. And why do we need <em>hats?”</em> Miles shuffled along, trying to keep up with the doctor’s ridiculously long stride, made even more so by his enthusiasm to reach the holosuites.</p>
<p>Julian stopped just before entering Quark’s and crossed his arms. “Really, Miles, how are we supposed to play the game if we’re not going to be the characters? It’s all about the <em>immersion</em>.” He gave his friend a quick once-over. “Besides, red is <em>definitely </em>your color.”</p>
<p>The chief secretly agreed, but the cap was too much. Didn’t the daft bastard know what it would do to his <em>hair?</em> And as for the coveralls…he ran his thumbs under the straps, down and up again. Well, they were kind of comfortable. And they really did cover all. He wondered if he could replicate a less violently <em>blue</em> pair to use in engineering. While he was lost in thought, Julian had taken off in the direction of the stairs.</p>
<p>“Doctor! Chief! What a pleasant surprise to see you here.” A shadow stepped out from behind a pillar, revealing itself to be Mr. Garak. Miles sincerely doubted it was a surprise at all. But Julian smiled gladly.</p>
<p>“Garak! We’re just heading to try out my new holo-program. It’s very retro.”</p>
<p>The tailor placed a hand on his chest as if in pain. “Oh! Doctor, I despair whenever you use that word. Julian Bashir and retro are words that ought not ever be paired.” He critically examined the two garbed men. “Although I must admit that those are not the worst outfits I’ve seen the set of you sporting. And the green <em>does</em> bring out your eyes.”</p>
<p>Said eyes were dancing as Julian bounced on his toes. “Well! I was going to save this for when we got into the holosuite, but…” He reached into his voluminous pockets and presented two long, thin, lumps of brown fur. Miles harrumphed, but grabbed one. “Garak, close your eyes,” Bashir ordered.</p>
<p>“Of all the adolescent, immature…” But he did as told.</p>
<p>“Okay, open them!”</p>
<p>Garak did. And wished he hadn’t. </p>
<p>“What do you think?” Julian asked proudly. And then scratched under his nose. His <em>mustachioed</em> nose.</p>
<p>“I think…” Garak was astounded to find himself speechless. “That it is time for me to return to work. And for you to enjoy your…whatever it is you’re going to do in there.” He inclined his head. “Good day, gentlemen.”</p>
<p>|||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||</p>
<p>Julian and Miles took in the technicolor world around them.  The floor was covered in reddish-brown stone patterns. The sky was a pale uniform blue, interspersed with cartoonish white clouds. The background contained what appeared to be one-dimensional solid green hills and scraggly lumps that were probably supposed to be bushes.</p>
<p>Rising out of the ground were large green cylinders with wide rims.  They looked to Miles like giant pipes. But the most confounding components were the groups of blocks floating in the air, less than a meter above head height. Some were built of ancient Terran bricks; a few were gold with question marks glinting on them.</p>
<p>Julian was just about bouncing with anticipation. “Welcome to the Super Mario Brothers!” he declared. He’d already explained to Miles that no, Mario was not their last name, and yes, they were supposed to be brothers, and they could gain “super powers,” but the Chief Engineer still found the title a bit absurd. He adjusted his hat, then his suspender straps.</p>
<p>“So, what do we do now?” he asked his companion.</p>
<p>The younger man rotated in a circle. “The original game was actually one-dimensional,” he lectured. “There was only one way to go. But with the holosuite, they made it more into a maze. Our job is to find our way to the exit.”</p>
<p>Miles felt a twinge of disappointment. “This is just a maze game?”</p>
<p>“Oh no. We’ll also be fighting off various enemies and gathering coins. And if we make it through the first three worlds, there will be a boss to battle. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t make you come along if there wasn’t going to be kayaking or a fight.” He clapped his friend on the shoulder. “Computer, show health bars.” Two lines appeared in the sky: one red and one green. “See, the original game would just kill you if you were attacked by an enemy.”</p>
<p>“<em>Kill you!” </em>the Chief exclaimed.</p>
<p>“But this version allows you to continue playing unless you are damaged several times. If one of us runs out of health, it’ll reset and send us back to the beginning of the level.”</p>
<p>“Well, let’s bloody-well get started,” Miles grumbled. “Lead the way.”</p>
<p>|||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||</p>
<p>The first level had been relatively easy. Julian delighted in bouncing on the angry little brown mushroom men to make them pop out of existence. He was especially proud when he hopped on three in succession and bounded onto a brick platform. In fact, the energetic doctor took the lead in just about every action, with Miles following along like a sullen puppy.</p>
<p>Julian was a little disheartened to see that his friend wasn’t having as much fun as he’d hoped. He wouldn’t even try to jump to hit the question mark blocks with his head. Of course, he was a little shorter than Julian, but did he have to just reach up and push, like they were replicator buttons?</p>
<p>A new enemy appeared. It looked like bizzare yellow and green bird-turtle hybrid, flying in a bouncy wave pattern.  He didn’t think he’d be able to jump on it. He’d probably need a new power-up. Julian looked down from his perch a couple meters up. “Hey Miles, could you get that one? I want to see what happens.”</p>
<p>Grunting, the Chief raised his hand yet again, and pressed on the gold block. Up popped a flower with a red and yellow head. They hadn’t seen this one yet. Julian hopped from his ledge down to the lower one, landing on the flower. His body started glowing.</p>
<p>“Mi—” He tried to say the other man’s name, but instead, a small fireball popped out of his mouth, bouncing away with a little “thwit” noise. He tried talking again. &lt;thwit thwit thwit&gt;</p>
<p>“What was that, Julian?” Miles bounded up a series of stone steps, ducking under the flying creature.</p>
<p>&lt;thwit thwit&gt; &lt;thwit thwit thwit&gt;</p>
<p>“Ahhh!” Miles jumped to the side, dodging the fireballs. One of them hit the airborne foe, which flipped upside and dropped, disappearing.</p>
<p>He waited for Julian to join him, faintly amused to see his friend frowning and literally glowing.</p>
<p>&lt;thwit&gt; Julian clamped a hand over his mouth, glaring as Miles guffawed.</p>
<p>“It looks like we finally found a way to shut you up!” he joked.</p>
<p>They clambered over the peak of the stone pyramid and back down again. Julian occasionally spit fireballs whenever a bad-guy approached. Miles was beginning to enjoy himself more now. He just had to avoid getting accidentally set on fire.</p>
<p>They came upon another green pipe. But before they could leap on top to look around, a monstrous red plant emerged. Instead of a flower, it had an enormous mouth that chomped shut. They could go around it, but Julian had been insistent on checking every pipe for a “secret entrance.” He was positive that some of these structures were supposed to lead to a new chamber with hidden treasures, maybe even a shortcut.</p>
<p>They stood in the shadow of the pipe, watching the creature rise, clamp a few times, and fall. They definitely wouldn’t be able to jump on this one. Which left…</p>
<p>“Hey Julian, let’s put that big mouth of yours to work. Talk it to death. Or, you know, flame it.”</p>
<p>The doctor squinted his eyes in a silent scowl. But he opened his mouth and tilted his head up.</p>
<p>&lt;thwit thwit&gt; The 2 balls of fire hit the side of the pipe and went out.</p>
<p>He hopped up. &lt;thwit thwit&gt;</p>
<p>Another miss.</p>
<p>He jumped higher, adding his augmented strength. &lt;thwit thwit&gt;</p>
<p>Just below the rim. He gestured to Miles.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>He pantomimed a few actions, pointing at Miles, the ground, then himself, and the plant.</p>
<p>“Remind me never to play charades with you.”</p>
<p>&lt;twhit&gt; He dodged the fireball aimed at him and smirked at his pal.</p>
<p>Julian grabbed his arm, yanking him over to stand facing the pipe. Then he put his hands on both shoulders, shoving him down into a squatting position. “Julian! What—”</p>
<p>The doctor was stepping onto his shoulders now, trying to wrap his arms around the green pipe to keep steady.  But even standing on the Chief, he wasn’t tall enough to reach the flower.</p>
<p>“I am <em>not</em> standing up with you on my shoulders!” Miles grunted. The weight suddenly lightened as Julian gripped the rim of the pipe and lifted himself. Well, that was different. Miles shakily stood up, giving his friend a boost.</p>
<p>Julian found himself face-to-leaf with the plant. &lt;thwit&gt; The flame was barely out of his mouth before hitting the adversary, and it blinked out. He tried to cheer, only to send out two more fireballs. Okay now, really, this was getting old.</p>
<p>With the additional height, he could bend over the rim easily, only to find that it was hollow inside. Yes! Finally! He worked his way up and gestured frantically at Miles to join him. It took a few awkward moves, but he was able to grasp his friend’s arms and drag him up to join him. He pointed down into the blackness.</p>
<p>“Oh no, you can’t be serious.” Julian nodded enthusiastically and dropped through. Only after there weren’t any sounds of crashes did Miles follow.</p>
<p>|||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||</p>
<p>The new room was all gray stone. It was also full of coins. Miles still wasn’t sure what the purpose of the coins were, but Julian was springing around to collect them. He was so caught up that he missed one of those things (oh right, they were goombas, Miles remembered) approaching, and it ran right into him.</p>
<p>His glowing aura blinked out.</p>
<p>“Well, bugger.” His eyes widened. “I can talk again!”</p>
<p>Miles chuckled.</p>
<p>The chamber they were in was dim and rather small. It seemed its only purpose was to hold the copious amount of coins. But there was another pipe at the other end, so they walked over and entered it.</p>
<p>They found themselves transported to the top of a pipe different from where they’d entered, and in a new location. Not far in the distance was a flag.</p>
<p>Miles stroked his mustache. “You know, I think this thing is beginning to grow on me.”</p>
<p>Julian barked out a laugh.</p>
<p>|||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||</p>
<p>After completing three worlds, they found themselves inside a long tunnel.</p>
<p>“I think we’re inside the castle now,” Julian narrated. “This should lead us to the boss. He’s going to have some sort of weapon to use against us. But if we can find a power-up to use, it’ll be easier. And there’s supposed to be some kind of trick to beating it. We have to figure out what it is.”</p>
<p>Miles wasn’t sure how he felt about this part. Mainly because every time he heard the word “boss,” he pictured Captain Sisko. He just couldn’t see himself hopping on the stern man’s head or shoving him off a ledge.</p>
<p>A hundred meters down the hall, they reached their first obstacle: a horizontal row of flaming globes that rose and fell across their path. Julian hopped over it when it reached the floor, then Miles ducked under when it rose again. Not far down, several more chains appeared. They rose and fell randomly, separated from one another by only an armspan. The doctor ran right in, dodging and leaping, to come out unscathed on the other side. “C’mon, Miles! You can do it!”</p>
<p>Miles grunted, trying to gauge the timing. Over one, under one, wait. Under, under, wait. Something hit him in the back. He groaned as his health bar dropped. He hopped over the last one.</p>
<p>In front of them was a large door set inside a stone arch. It looked medieval, if exaggerated. “I think we’re here!” Julian announced. He pushed his way through.</p>
<p>|||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||</p>
<p>They were in a large room that could only be described as a dungeon. The floors, walls, and roof were gray stone. It was remarkably empty of obstacles.</p>
<p>The villain was <em>supposed</em> to be a larger than life reptilian creature with a spiked shell and horns. Instead, they found a well-dressed reptilian man with a large than life persona. There were no growling roars or fireballs, just a smirk and flamboyant bow.</p>
<p>Garak was wearing his gold tunic and trousers, but they were accented with new accessories. Each arm contained two spike-studded black bands that should have looked ridiculous, but instead made him appear more dangerous. Julian’s mouth was suddenly vey dry. He also had a short, thick cape made of forest green material, which also would have made a lesser man look comical. Garak wore it like royalty. And because the tailor was never one to do things by halves, his hair had taken on a reddish sheen and his nails were painted white. He looked a decade younger. The gleeful expression on his face at the adventurers’ speechlessness added to the effect.</p>
<p>And to top it all off (literally and figuratively)…</p>
<p>“Garak, are you wearing a <em>crown?” </em>Miles asked disbelievingly.</p>
<p>Julian tilted his head. “I don’t remember King Koopa having a scepter,” he mused.</p>
<p>“I found it appropriate for the circumstances. My domain is, after all, a castle.” He thumped said scepter once on the stone floor, which began rising beneath him. The platform continued extending upward until he towered over the protagonists, leering down at them. “And <em>you</em> are interlopers.” He pounded the staff twice more. The stones around them began to sink into the floor. They were replaced with…</p>
<p>Lava.</p>
<p>Granted, it was orange, bubbly, cartoon lava. But the program gave it a fair amount of heat and realistic sound effects. Miles gulped.</p>
<p>Julian didn’t notice at first. He was trying to figure out just how Garak had wormed his way into yet another holoprogram. And this time not as a passive guest.</p>
<p>His reverie was broken by several more stone columns raising in a line from the floor on Garak’s end as other sections fell away on <em>their</em> end. Alright. It was time to figure the puzzle out.</p>
<p>He scanned the chamber. Along the walls were a series of switches and holes. He assumed the switches were for he and his partner. Would they have to flip them in a specific order? He didn’t have time to wonder what the holes were for, as one of them began shooting out arrows. Luckily, they crossed the room at the other end.</p>
<p>“Um, Julian, what do we do now?” Miles asked.</p>
<p>“We have to figure out a way to beat the boss,” he said matter-of-factly.</p>
<p>“Yes, yes, I know that. But <em>how</em>?”</p>
<p>Garak’s sinister chuckle fell from above them. This was not helping his image, Miles thought.</p>
<p>“I tell you what. You just sit tight, and uh…don’t get hit by any arrows. I’m going to hop my way to that wall to flip a switch and see what happens.”</p>
<p>Julian began jumping stone to stone over the lava, like a gangly gazelle in a blue jumpsuit and green hat. He reached a switch and yanked it into an up position. A metallic clank-clank-THUD resounded. He turned to see that a barred cage had descended upon one of the stone platforms. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the one occupied by Garak.</p>
<p>“Try another one!” called Miles. He grunted as a line of arrows went right through him, knocking his health bar down further.</p>
<p>Julian hopped back out into the stepping stones to find a path toward the next switch. “Miles, they shoot in a pattern: back of the cavern, front of the cavern, then second from the back and second from the front, and so forth. Just watch them and you’ll see.” He reached the next switch, flipping it before checking to see if his buddy had heard.</p>
<p>Clank-clank-THUD. The first cage had returned to the ceiling, and the one to the right of it dropped. Garark was on the next plinth. Or was it King Garak? His mouth twisted in a grin.</p>
<p>The next switch was easier to reach, but of course before he got to it, Garak had leapt to a different ledge.</p>
<p>“Miles, I’m going to need your help to do this,” he called.  “I’m coming over.” They met in the middle. “Can you get to the other wall? If we both start dropping cages, we might be able to catch him.” While Julian outlined the plan, Garak had pulled out a padd and hurriedly started punching in commands. The speed of the arrows shooting out from the walls increased, and the time between shots decreased.</p>
<p>“I think we’re out of time,” Julian said, pulling Miles down to duck.</p>
<p>The Chief felt a renewed sense of vigor. He knew machinery, and as soon as the doctor had described the correlations between the levers and the cages, he’d understood what they needed to do. They gave each other a hard pat on the back and split up.</p>
<p>The cages on the farthest apart platforms fell. Their quarry hopped into the center, watching, a gleam in his eye.</p>
<p>The next two cages in fell as the previous ones rose. There were only 4 open columns between them to access. Garak’s head whipped back and forth as he figured out what was happening.</p>
<p>The next two dropped. There was now just the two in the center, and they were most definitely the goal for the men below.</p>
<p>“We’ve got you know!” Julian exclaimed gleefully. He and the chief leapt towards their final destinations.</p>
<p>“Oi!” O’Brien yelled. Another volley of arrows had hit him. One more time and he’d be out. They’d have to restart the level. Like Hell was he going to let that happen. He was going to catch this scaly bastard, even if it was just in a game. To his chagrin, he felt his face break out in a giddy grin. This really was kind of fun. He turned to make sure Julian was ready so they could trigger the drop simultaneously.</p>
<p>Three…two…one…NOW.</p>
<p>Garak didn’t have anywhere to go. He had hopped from one stone to the other and back, considering leaping onto the outside of one of the cages to keep from getting caught. With no time left, he took a step back, then pushed off, and—</p>
<p>WHAM.</p>
<p>He hit a forcefield. The game wasn’t going to allow him cheat. The bars dropped down, caging him in as he stumbled back.</p>
<p>|||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||              |||M|||</p>
<p>“That was a good game, gentleman,” Garak said graciously as he bowed slightly.</p>
<p>Julian shook his head and chuffed. “A game you weren’t even invited to, Garak,” he said. “Again.”</p>
<p>The tailor looked at his scepter, rubbing his thumb over it thoughtfully. “I thought you might appreciate a worthy adversary, my dear doctor.”</p>
<p>Miles rolled his eyes. “I’ve got to be getting home to Keiko. I’ll see you later.”</p>
<p>The other two remained.</p>
<p>“Garak, I can’t believe you wore a crown.” Bashir reached to pluck it off, but was blocked by the scepter.</p>
<p>“Ah ah ah, Doctor. The king was merely caught, not dethroned. I believe he returns later in the game.”</p>
<p>Julian dropped his hand, only to quickly grab Garak’s arm. “And what about these?” He squeezed a spiked arm band. “When did you have the time to make them? I just invited Miles last night. And…how did you know about the game?”</p>
<p>Garak smiled enigmatically. “Wouldn’t you like to know. I regret to inform you that no answers will be forthcoming. Unless you can catch me.” And with that, he ducked back into the holosuite.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>•	A HUGE thanks to Line250i for drawing the fantastic picture of Bashir, O'Brien and Dax as Luigi, Mario and Princess Peach posted at the beginning of the story. If anyone can draw Garak, you'll be my personal hero!<br/>•	I learned today that “eejit” is an actual Irish term.<br/>•	While I’ll take credit for assembling this mess, I would also like to give a nod to Nintendo and copious amounts of Mountain Dew.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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